From K.S.
I was looking for a way to express my experience with Baba but I didn't know how. Now I found this web-site! I'm Kitty; a 37 years-old woman from The Netherlands. My first experience with an ashram was the Baba-ji ashram in Loenen. A friend took me there on my birthday when Shastriji was there too. We stayed in the ashram for several days. It was a beautiful experience 'cause I came with a lot of pain over the fact that that my boyfriend and I just seperated. It was amazing how I could feel the strong pain slip away in a few days while being in the ashram; singing mantra's , participating in the rituals. I felt a strong recognition and attraction towards the Indian culture and religion and the most logical explanation was a vague memory of a former life in India. This experience changed me completely and although I wasn't ignorant on the spiritual path; the ashram opened another door in my unconsciousness.
Last year I went to India . I didn't visit Baba's ashram but I went to the South to volunteer in a holistic retreat and travelled through Kerala, and Tamil_Nadu. I was in Thiruvannamallai where I did spend time with a family. They lived close to the Ramanashram. From day one I felt the urge to talk about Baba-ji to them. They had a very special sun who was only 8 years old. He reminded me of Baba. I can't say why but as well in appearance as in his wizdom he reminded me strongly! He spoak about illusion/ reality, the end of the world, atomic wars etcetera; and this for a small child! He was also testing me in various ways. The father told me that although he never spoak about Baba-ji with the child he knew Baba too and that when he held his child as a baby he couldn't stop thinking of the fact that the child reminded him of Baba-ji. the funny thing is that he wasn't a devotee. He was talking a lot more about the teachings of Ramanah Maharshi!!
In that same period I met a young man who looked like the spitting image of Baba-ji. One day we planned to go out together. He told me to close my eyes and think of a place. I told him that I wanted to go to the back of Ramanashram where the young cow's where. He took me there and we where sitting down. I felt a strong attraction towards him but he was following the path of meditation and didn't mingle with women.(if you remember that he looked like the spitting image of the young Baba you might be able to have some understanding for my weakness!) When we where just sitting down with the cows a sadhu walkes straight towards us and looked seriously. He said that he was the last living relative of Ramanah Maharshi and that we shouldn't be interested in familylife or just to fall in love but follow the path of devotion. My God, he didn't stop and lectured us for an hour; than he dissapeared! I understood pretty soon that I had to forget the boy by the name of Shanti(he was half Indian and they ave him this unusual name!
I started to get a little confused because the boy seemed to be so pure not at all like other humans I happened to know!! He reminded me so much of Baba-ji that in my fantasy they became one (although I know this isn't the fact, I met this person after my Indian trip in Hamburg). Unfortunately it was very clear that we could only be friends, he told me always to believe in Me!!
When I came back to The Netherlands I had a strange dream. I was in a room. There was a voice. I was told that in this room exactly at that time was the last teaching of Baba-ji. Next thing I know is that I stand in the same room but now there is a square in the middle with ashes in the form of a human being. The smoke was still coming from the ashes and I could breath it in. There was a voice; it said: "breath in the Samadhi' breath it in!" Than I see Baba-ji. He said:"I will follow you to the Kailash mountain! This must all seem very confusing but if I tell you that I'm not a frequent visitor of the ashram and not an official devotee this is quite surprising , because I never had this fantasy. Perhaps it was a fantasy living in my unconsciousness but i don't hink so. I think it's beautifull and Baba didn't stop teaching us a little more!
Love, K.S.
