June 16, 2000 - Is My Ego Deceiving Me?

[Karma Yoga]

June 16, 2000 - Is My Ego Deceiving Me?

My Dearest Bhole Baba, I love You,

My heart is filled with love and gratitude for everything in creation that brings me closer to truly knowing You. It is also heavy with pains, the cure for which only you know. I trust in You totally Baba. I know Your support is there, always. I can feel You in every cell of my body when You dance in love, with The Mother. I receive Your inspirations and guidance.

But something is not adding up. My ego must be deceiving me. Please help me Baba to see the right path to walk in my life now. You know the difficult journey I have been walking. I still feel that the truth is, I can no longer maintain being in primary relationship with my partner. We have both embraced this reality without loss of loving respect and support for each other. Despite all the struggles and joys of separating my self out from this relationship, I still find myself feeling deep in my heart that I need to somehow keep my family together and complete the work I have begun, with my vision. Is this just my ego trying desperately to cling to something familiar in the face of complete change. Do I need to let go of this as well? I am in a sticky place with my family torn between two places.

I am very distressed about the effects of this on my children especially. What should I do at this point Baba, to meet the needs of all concerned in this ridiculous drama. I don't want to generate unnecessary pain, confusion and separation in the name of Truth > Simplicity and Love.

All my love and devotion always,
Yours only.

Babaji Responds:

"Blessings:

"Let go of the vision. Let your son be where he loves to play and learn.....Go back into the world. This is where your SERVICE shall be. Family is first then God. Understand? I am always with you.

"Babaji"

Follow Up Question to Babaji:

I then responded by asking how to further clarify my situation in the light of this response:

My Dearest Bhole Baba,

Thank you for Your e-mail response to my questions and doubts. Your words confirm the same words that I wrote in my journal that came from Your quiet voice within me. Truly knowing that this inner voice is aligned with You and not my lower selves is a constant vigil for me. The need for me to let go of attachment to my visions I can well understand. Going back into the world, as alien as it is to me, I know is my path now. Putting family first, I have long resisted, and now see the Divine importance of these words. There is no doubt that this is my son's place right now, this is why I am here with him Other reasons to be here need to be created if I am to stay.

My decision to leave my partner I still doubt at times, but from one vantage point can see why it has to be. It is my younger son, your beautiful boy, who I am in so much pain with being apart from. Should I be with him or is it his path now to be with his father? Letting go of a vision is easy in the face of the pain a Mother feels when separated from her young child. Please help me to see what is best Baba, so that I can take positive actions to resolve the situational needs of my family now.

Thank you for your loving patience with all of us Baba and Your eternal presence in our hearts. I love you.

Yours only

Babaji Responds:

"Blessings:

"Family is first. Difficult as it may be, bring your family together. One will be out of place but in the long run the family should be one. Your heart will make the better decision than Babaji.

"Babaji"